Mills on Wheels

Mr Mills of twenty-three

Said, ‘Look at this and envy me.’

He’d kitted himself out with trolley wheels.

I said, ‘Yes, well, very nice.’

I’d seen that trick done once or twice

But cared not for it either time, preferring house-trained seals.

House trained,

House trained,

Rat and mouse trained,

In and out,

And roundabout trained.

Mr Mills of twenty-three

Was given out the OBE,

For services to pe-des-tri-an-ism as a whole,

I said, ‘Yes, well very nice.’

I’d seen that trick done once or twice

But cared not for it either time, preferring the house-trained vole.

House trained,

House trained,

Rat and mouse trained,

Up the spout,

And all about trained.

Mr Mills of twenty-three

Became a big celebrity,

And opened up the Summer fête for three years in a row.

I said, ‘Yes, well, very nice.’

I’d seen that trick done once or twice

But cared not for it either time, preferring Jean Cocteau.

But then I went to art school, so what else would you expect?